What do you mean when you say "boys will be boys?"

Recently, my 3 year old was taught by a 5 year how to use a shotgun. This boy's "shotgun" was actually a toy lightsaber, but he explained in minute detail how to operate an actual shotgun. His mother shrugged it off saying "boys will be boys." It was clear she didn't like this behavior, but felt that somehow playing with guns was innate; that it was out of her control. This is a REALLY common misconception.

In truth, boys - all children really - learn by repetition. Someone teaches them "aim and bang." It could be the TV, another child, or a parent, then they repeat until they get bored or someone intervenes. As parents, it is our job to intervene when a child is repeating a negative behavior. We do it when they curse, when they hit, when they throw sand. But for some reason, we think gun violence is an inalienable right. Maybe because gun control is such a divisive issue right now, maybe it's the American love affair with violence, I don't know.

I didn't intervene, because I didn't want to be that "crazy left wing guy." It's her right to let her kid play with guns. I failed in my duty to parent by not stopping the learning of bad behavior. For the following three weeks, my son walked around aiming his finger at people and making the shotgun noise. He is really into firefighters, so, without fail, we diffused by asking him "Are we on fire? Are you spraying us with a fire hose?" Eventually, he began to say yes and giggle. We also kept telling him "don't point the hose at people, it's not safe." Soon, he forgot about the shotgun and occasionally I still get sprayed with the hose.

I don't want my son, or daughter, to know how to use a gun until they are old enough to use it safely, which, at the rate our society coddles children, could be when he is 25. He doesn't know the word gun, just like he doesn't know the words murder, missionary position, or statute of limitations - these are adult concepts - he is three!

Saying "he's just playing" ignores the purpose of play. Play is practice for life. Play is how children learn. They play grocery shopping, they play driving cars, if they are lucky, they even play doctor, but I certainly don't want my children play shooting each other.

No, I am not anti-gun, see here if you think I am. I was raised with lots of toy guns and have owned and played with lots of real guns. Guns, even toys, are not for children. There is nothing important my child can learn from having a toy gun. Additionally, it's inconsistent messaging: "guns are dangerous, you shouldn't point them at people," but here's one to play with and nothing bad happens if you point it at your friends. I've never seen a toy gun solely used to play hunting (I'm sure it's happened, but I've never seen it).

So next time you say "boys will be boys," stop and ask yourself, are you really saying "I'm okay with my kids practicing gun violence?"